


i think god's passed out in the bathtub again

by orphan_account



Series: venting thru awsten [1]
Category: Waterparks (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anxiety, Child Abuse, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Homophobia, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, M/M, Panic Attacks, gaslighting kinda, it's sad and short like me, slight physical abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-06-13 02:36:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15354345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: he wants to leave so bad





	i think god's passed out in the bathtub again

**Author's Note:**

> check tags for triggers <3

**_“because nobody answered the door,_ **

**_and the love, that you made me fight for_ **

**_was never love at all”_ **

* * *

****awsten knew how the scarecrow’s drunken breathing sounded, he’d heard it since he was a child. when his father would shout and awsten would flinch and whimper and run to the so-called sanctuary of his bedroom.

then the scarecrow would always let himself into the child’s room and sit beside the younger on the pastel pink, patterned carpet, his hands gripping the child’s thighs a little too tight. and his hands were always enough to make awsten squeak in terror and shock and to beg for him to stop because  **it hurt** and  **it hurt** and he didn’t like it and he  **_DIDN’T WANT HIM TO DO THAT._ **

* * *

**** and the scarecrow would always leave awsten in a haze of  **blood** and  **breathlessness** and  **terror** and  **bad** . and awsten would blame himself again, because he shouldn’t have worn shorts, or maybe he shouldn’t have let the scarecrow in or maybe maybe things could have turned out different if  _ aWSTEN HAD HURT THE SCARECROW MORE BUT AWSTEN IS A CHILD HOW CAN HE DESTROY A MONSTER HOW CAN HE DESTROY A FUCKING HORRIFYING MONSTER DEMON EVIL. _

* * *

awsten was older now, but he was still a child in the scarecrow’s eyes. it was enough for awsten to wake up with pain inside and his wrists rubbed red raw with finger marks on them and it was enough to remember the drunken breaths of the man who had ruined him since he’d heard them forever. 

still unable to leave the hellhole the demons who’d raised him decided to scrawl and stick the plaster of the word HOME over all the cracks and blood and bottles.

* * *

his mother was yelling again, something about the boy forgetting to do the dishes before he went to bed or some bullshit like that. it wasn’t awsten’s fault he’d gotten home late and he couldn’t do the dishes because he wanted to talk to geoff, geoff who actually gave a fuck about him, geoff who actually loved him. but somehow his mother always found a way to pin the blame on awsten, and he found himself small and cowering again as his mother spit and screamed and screeched at him until he cried and cried and broke.

* * *

“YOU STUPID BOY WHAT ARE YOU DOING WHY DIDN’T YOU COME DOWNSTAIRS EARLIER YOU’RE GOING TO BE LATE WHAT ON EARTH IS WRONG WITH YOU!” she screamed at him until awsten had a panic attack again, which the devil referred to as “awsten being a dramatic pig”.

he collapsed against his bedroom wall and curled up on his lil carpet, not caring much for the cat hair that would ruin his black skinny jeans.  the shaking kid whimpered out a small apology, forgetting that apologising often made everything WORSE UNTIL SHE HIT HIM HARD SO HE STOPPED SAYING SORRY BECAUSE AWSTEN WAS BAD BAD BAD AND HE WAS HURTING HER and awsten wasn’t bad he wasn’t he knew he wasn’t because awsten was good and they, they were so fucking bad. 

“i love you darling.” awsten’s mother said to her shaking son, she whispered in his ear, soothing words only a mother could say before screaming at awsten till he squealed in terror to GET THE FUCK OUT BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS YOU HERE GET OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU’RE NOT MY SON GET OUT YOU FAG.

* * *

and awsten wanted to leave.

he really really wanted to leave. 


End file.
